Searching for "it hurts"

41 Results For 'it hurts'

Henry

February 28, 2014 @ (Kerman, CA)

So I'm a guy, and I was in a gay relationship for 1 year and 8 months. It was like the perfect relationship, and I was so in love. It was my first time in a relationship and it started May of 2012 up until now. There were never really any signs that their was something wrong with us. We were always happy and loving to each other. When he moved to another state communication was hard. It was Arkansas, and I was in California. He was planning on staying over there and not coming back, but he only stayed there for only about a month because he feel into a depression and came back to be with me. We were good up until there was problems with his family and him, this was in December 2013. One day he took me to the place where we first fell for each other and told me he's going to have to move back to Arkansas because he can't take the drama here. I was sad knowing he was going to leave back again. Then when the day came on January 3 2014, he was packing all his stuff and was getting ready to leave. I told him to be with me in his room alone, and surprised him with a new cell phone so we could contact each other. He cried a lot and said thank you so much, you know my family would've never done this for me. The he hugged me for a long time crying. When he left i felt depressed, knowing he might just stay over there this time. A month later he facetimed me for the first time and we where so happy to see each other, we would text each other through facebook daily and that kept my calm. A week before valentines day i sent him a card that I personally made with all are pictures on it... Then he called two days later like normally but I screwed up the conversation. I got awkward about a topic and I wasn't talking the whole time on the phone. Then he suddenly hung up. I called him back and told him, you hung up.. And he said, yeah I did.. I said, are you made at me.. He said well what do u think, you know I hate it when you don't say anything on the phone.. So I asked, do u still want to talk to me?.. He said, not really.. I said, ok I'm sorry i really am.. He said, it's ok I'm over it already.. I'll talk to you tomorrow. The next day I got a msg from him.. It hurt me. He said, ok, yesterday u left me thinking on how long Ive been without you and managed to be fine. So I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore and before you start with that no i can do better stuff just think and be an adult. Your a great guy with a lot of love and the person who loves u is lucky, but I don't love u. I have to put my own goals first. So yeah I guess this is goodbye. It's over. I was so sad and couldn't think right.. I was left with no talk from him in a few days, we talked but it was nothing like we would normally talk to each other.. Then a week passed with no talking, and then yesterday the 27 of February, his best friend from here came to my house to facetime him, I let them talk by themselves but I called his friend over to talk to me real quick. I told here to put the earphones on but don't plug them in.. He told her to put in earphones so nobody would hear what he was about to say. So she put them on but didn't plug them in and I was secretly on the side of her, but he didn't know. He said to her through facetime, ok, I don't have a lot of time but that guy me and josh we broke up. He was pulling that whole act that Henry did and i was like been there done that, I don't know what we are, I think we're just friends but now I'll stick to school I guess. But when I'm 18, I'll try a few dates every now and then....... After I heard that whole thing I was heart broken. To know that he dated someone 3 days after we broke up made me feel like shit, I felt like I didn't matter i felt like I was nothing. How can u go into a relationship real quick after breaking up a almost 2 year relationship.. I doesn't make sense, his friend told him a heard everything and he was like in shock because he didn't want me to know. I talked to him later that day just us two. I asked him if that whole time that we facetimed and before when he was crying and about to move.. If he still loved? me that whole time. He said no, he had no feelings for me and he was just being nice and didn't know how to break it to me. So we just ended it for good and that was that. I feel betrayed, lost, confused, depressed.. I don't know how I'll get over my first love, my everything. I built a foundation for us, only for me having to take it down... It's hard. We have had so many loving memories in my home town it's hard not to think about it.. I go to the place where we felt for each other, it hurts. But I feel close to him when I'm there. I still love him. I can't hate him because he showed me many things in life, basically helped me out A LOT. But i do hate his poor choices and the people that might of influenced him to go in a relationship after ours. I thank and love him for being there when I needed him there, he's my best friend and the only person that gets me like no one else. He told me we can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. He said once i loose those feelings and find someone else, we can be friends. I probably won't hear from him in a long time because he's deactivating everything he's on, like Facebook.etc. if i do find someone else, I'll probably have feelings for him still.. And would have to lie that I don't. I don't know how to manage now.. It's really hard to deal with and I find myself crying constantly. The term that I always used,(Always

Natalie

February 05, 2014 @ (Honolulu, HI)

Tags: bad break ups

So I was friends with this boy for about a year and a half before we started dating. He was in the Marine Core. I actually met him when he was going through a divorce with his high school sweet heart who cheated on him with 20 different guys that he worked with. He went on deployment and we become Facebook friends and started talking all the time and skyping everyday. We talked about absolutely everything for hours. He came back and and we then went out a few times with his friends to the bars and had fun. This one weekend all his friends rented a hotel room and in the same weekend my roommate was being a bitch and locked me out, so i ended up sleeping in there hotel room. He was always such a gentlemen and walked me to my car and helped me move it before we went back to the room. We decided just to hang out with each other. We went back to the room, and laid on the bed and just stared at each other. nothing happened and we cuddle. After that we started having movie nights together and he would beg his friends to bring him to my house because he didn't have a car. well, about a month after that, we decided to drink. and then one thing led to another and he kissed me. and then the weekend after we ended up sleeping with each other. and he just started coming over a lot and we were best friends. always with each other. about 2 months after that, we went on a booze cruise and he proclaimed his love to me. I told him to call me in the morning and that i didn't believe him because he was drinking. He called me in the morning sober and said it. (FIRST TIME IN LOVE) i liked him so much, his girly side, his stupidity, the fact that we would always get ready together and take showers with each other. about a month after that he just stopped texting me as much , and he was getting out of the military. the day he left, he told me how much he loved me but that we were not going to do distance.. well he didn't talk to me for four months. Just left and nothing. I googled his name and saw he had a dating website and he had been talking to girls the whole time in our relationship. I flipped shit and sent him nasty texts. four months later he tried talking to me and told me still that he loves me and that he would be 100 percent with me if we were in the same town. He also said how much he has liked this one girl in high school his whole life and going for her. I thought everything was so twisted. It hurts so much to this day. i want it to be a struggle to remember his name

Valerie

December 25, 2013 @ (Ohio)

Tags: Broke up w me at school

Me and my bf went out for 4.5 months..and he broke up w me five days ago. He was my best friend my world. I NEED him...:( we would text FaceTime,e or see each other just about every day, we were a really close couple. I cry every night so much and I just don't know what to do. He seems like he's getting over me quickly but he says he'll always care for me. He says that he broke up w me bc the main reason was was that I told him he should stop this habit...I'm not going to say what it was but let's just say little kids do this...and it involves gold....anyways he said also that I didn't like things he like (ex. He likes video games and I like makeup and this is the example he gave me actually) he also said I was rude and sarcastic sometimes, and he told our mutual friend when she asked about our breakup that I gave him BS all the time....and gave him anxiety attacks... But he always got anxiety attacks and panic attacks over the littlest things and would over react on things. And the week before we broke up he was saying how his friend ally wanted to hang out w them at a skate rink and it wasn't going to be there...and he told me two months ago how he was attracted to a friend if mine... He also said we'd always argue. But not all the time, at least not to me. I remember some really good times...I just miss it so much. It hurts so bad. Idk hoe to deal with it...please someone please help me I'm 15 btw and I have to see him at school

Broken Hearted Girl...

December 19, 2013 @ (Philadelphia )

Tags: Sad

When I first saw him I was stunned he was so sexy and tall with braids .... we starting talking but then something stupid happened and we stopped. We wound up in the same school and started talking again then eventually dating ... I knew instantly he was someone special .. we soon fell in love and things were going well ... but he had many secrets and he lied multiple times .... over and over and over ... he still thinks to this day that I believe all the lies he too but I just let him believe .. so we were on and off and I just kept going back because I really love him ... but I guess it just wasn't ment to be :( I still love him to this day but we don't really talk any more .. I git kicked out of my school so I don't see him any more ... it hurts really badly and I want him back ... I don't understand why though ... I want to know how he feels ... or at least how he felt ... I wish he knew :(

The Truth

May 09, 2013 @ (Louisiana)

Tags: Thruth, online

For the past 2 years I've been in an online relationship. My ex would always make sure I would never dishonor her trust in any way or shape. So I I'd just that for these two years. This year was my hardest year yet. With personal issues, college, and general life matters knocking at my door, I have been through hell. Then I notice my ex starts acting funny. I ask her what is wrong and she refuses to tell me. I guess if she has feelings for someone else and she said yes. Then proceeded to put said person above me and even defend him when it hit the fan.

I can never claim to be perfect. And I never will claim to be perfect. However, to have that happen on top of what has occured for me this year has wounded me immensely. I tried to reconcile and stop the eventual break up though. By constantly apologizing if only to allow us to be together again. Yet she would just blame my faults on her extremely poor and hurtful choice, and never once apologized for it or asked to work through it. Eventually I realized how dead I was to her and broke it off. The truth is that my decision was necessary because what would stop her from doing it again? More over, what would it take to feel remorse? Should I have to deal with all that with everything I've dealt with this year? So I broke it off and look towards my future. A future with family, friends, and in time, a girl I can give my heart to that deserves it. Not someone who admits the truth then lies right there after to hide the shame brought upon it.

My ex was too immature to understand how much she hurt me. By blaming me for her mistakes instead of being a woman and owning up to them, she brought this on herself. Just because she does not value herself to admit the truth does not mean the truth does not exist. I plunged my hands into the filth, while she jumped into it and refused to leave it. I cannot be with someone like that. As much as it hurts to admit it I can't, because I would have never done that to her. No matter how bad I have felt. I would have never betrayed her.

Edan

March 29, 2013 @ (san diego)

Tags: ?

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me and I am devastated . This was my first relationship and I feel an immense heartache. I feel I'm to blame because of my anger and distrust when he didn't give me a reason to. People say he'll come back but I highly doubt it. It hurts everyday and its barely been a week. I know he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like this feeling will never go away. Everything reminds me of him. I still love him. If he loved me, where did that love go? Or was it never love. If I could turn back time I would because I'm filled with regret, sadness and regret. What hurts more is he's already moving on. Love sucks.

Lilly

January 23, 2013 @ (Kansas city mo)

Tags: heartbroken

In may I broke up with my boyfriend and I finally got over it and in October I notice a Guy in my English class and he was really nice and cute. So we started talking more and then we starting huggin everyday like a ritual. But recently I found out that he said I wasn't thick enough and that I was too pushy and I feel like crap again and I just want to be over it but now he has a GF and it hurts so much. :'(

Liz

December 24, 2012 @ (Lost)

Tags: emotional, regret

so back in october I started talking to this guy (he's 18 and so am I), at first we weren't fond of each other because of a certain situation but slowly we started talking on good terms, I got to know him and he took the time to get to know me, we hung out a few times and I started developing feelings or a crush towards him. soon after on november 1st 2012 we started dating officially, we would see each other every day and sometimes he would come over out of the blue unexpectedly. I found these gestures sweet at a point and we would constantly spend time together. Myself, I really don't have many friends and I have a real fear of trusting people because of my past but I let that go with him. I was head over heels up until now when I slipped into a depression. I got sick with bronchitis and we couldn't see each other for a few days but he still wanted to see me although we could not kiss because of my sickness and he was pretty sick himself. I started having doubts in the back of my head was this what I really wanted. He treated me so well like a princess, we had our little arguments yes but that never changed how I felt and we always had great communication with each other and he all around cared about me and never have I ever been treated that way by any guy and it sort of gave me hope that things were going to change for me for once. he always complimented me although I never felt beautiful and I was also having problems with my life ie. college, family problems but he was there to asure me he wasn't going anywhere which scared me even more. I started feeling as if when I kissed him I didn't feel right because he said he was slowly falling for me but I was trying hard to keep myself from falling for him seeing as the duration of the time we've been together. He makes me so happy, he brightens my day and since we've broken up these past few days I feel empty and regretful and just guilty. I feel as if I let something good go and I'm not sure if I'll ever find that again, but I had to let him go if I did not feel right at that time because I slowly started feeling depressed again. I felt as if I couldn't feel for him the way he wanted me to and it hurts because I hurt him and he did nothing wrong. Was is that he was clinging on too much that I started to feel this way? I'm so confused and lost, that I'm not sure if this was right or if it was. I'm scared I may have lost out on my forever.

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Michelle

June 03, 2012 @ (Provo, Utah)

Tags: Breakup, Friendship, Gay Best Friend

This isn't abnormal breakup story. This is a friendship breakup story. But I was in love and it hurts like hell.

About a year ago I started the job I'm currently at and I met someone there that I instantly knew was an amazing person and someone I was meant to be friends with. Well we did become friends, best friends in fact. Now would be a good time to mention he's gay. Anyways for the last 9 months he was a big if not the biggest part of my life. We did almost everything together. We would text all day every day. We didn't go more then a few days without seeing each other and most of my plans included him or were made around him. He soon became my everything. I didn't care he was engaged. He gave me the love and attention I so desperately craved. And I slowly started to fall in love with how he treated me and then I fell in love with him. But I tried hard to keep my feelings in check. And we had boundaries that helped with that.

Well at the end of February we went to visit our friend at college about 3 hours away. He is also gay. Well late that night things got weird. There was a 3 way kiss. And then there was cuddling, touching, scissoring, and just crazy awkward stuff. But I also enjoyed it because I loved my one friend and I wanted him to be in love with me. But there was a part of me that felt like I was included to prevent me from getting jealous and crazy. I also knew our relationship would never be the same because so many boundaries had been crossed.

Then 2 weeks later that same friend from college came to visit. And I decided I needed a break because I felt to attached to both of them. I also felt like my best friend had feelings for our mutual friend. But he assured me that he didn't. They both talked me out of taking a break and we decided to have a big party with alcohol at my bffs apartment. I knew this was not a good idea and bad things were going to happen but I secretly hoped that with enough alcohol in both of us something might happen. Well everyone got drunk. We ended up making out. But he made out with everyone. It was like a mini orgy. I was physically and emotionally sick. It couldn't be undone and my feelings were stronger but I also knew he didn't feel the same.

The next morning I found out he had lied to me and he actually had feelings for our friend. And that our friend had pretended to have feelings back. When I confronted him he to me said he was embarrassed and thought I'd freak out. His feelings for him confused him. And then he said my feelings for you sometimes confuse me. Something I believed and actually gave me a spark of hope.

From the time of the party on nothing was really the same. We fought often. I couldn't forgive him for lying to me. And my feelings for him were stronger then ever. Being around him gave me such happiness but also brought me agony. I was in love but he was never going to be in love with me. But I couldn't accept his love and friendship. I just wanted more. I pushed and pushed. I expected way too much. I told him every chance I got about my feelings for him. I to him those feelings brought me pain. I was suicidal. I was mean. I was angry. I did all of this to push him away and prove that he would walk away. Even though he said he never would.

About 3 weeks ago we got in a huge fight and I guess he had, had enough. He said even if i was a boy or if he was straight he wouldn't be in love with me. That all the nice things he told me around the time i found out he lied about our friend were actually more lies. That most of what he did day to day was out of guilt and to keep me alive. He told me he couldn't handle me and all that went along with me. He was done.

I was crushed and devastated! He was my whole world. My best friend and the guy I was in love with. It was like the one person I trusted the most ripped out my heart and shredded it. The pain was/is unbearable.

Now that said I realize that our relationship was unhealthy and things needed to change. I knew maybe a break was needed to. But I never expected him to walk away. I would NEVER walk away form him or any of my friends.

So like I said this is a different break up story but a break up story nonetheless.